Mom was sent to the emergency roon and then ICU and then the infectious disease ward. I took a month’s leave from work and stayed at her bedside in the hospital for a month. I liked the time when she was unconscious more than when she was semi awake. She lookd peaceful when she was out of it but moaned and uncomfortable when she was semi awake.
I don’t think I could take it more than 4 weeks I took off. It was unbearable to see the doctors or the nurses poke her or stuck tubes in her. I ran out of her room every time they came in to ‘help’ her in that way. For some reason, she did not want to acknowledge me either when she was semi-awake. I felt bad for her when they hurt her, I felt bad when she ignored me. I felt bad when the relatives pushed me to make hard decisions or told me what they think I should do with her money. I felt stressed out the whole time.
Thank god for friends. Even friends I made a year ago treated me nicer and more honest than those relatives. The relatives expected rewards or undeserved respects. I, in my American ways of thinking, did not think they deserve any such thing. But I was too timid to give them the piece of my mind. So i suffered, biting my tongue, worrying if i would blow up and show disrespect, and I drank in my hotel room and ate way too much.
I brought 3 extra pounds back. My stress and depression is still with me after a week. I feel that noone really understands what I had gone through and I can’t really tell anyone how I feel. I’m stuck between the American way and the Chinese traditions. How ridiculous.