Early in the morning, the van came to the hotel and picked me and 星蓮 up. Nikon and his wife, his son and his oldest daughtest were already on the van. we arrived at the funeral home well before 8am. As soon as we got in front of the hall, I noticed that they made a mistake and put the wrong maiden name for mom. Nikon told Mr. Liu and asked him to change it asap. He called his assistant and got that corrected before the ritual.
We went to the name plate room with the master and moved mom’s name plate to the ritual hall. We put on the mourning clothing and then at the ‘right time’, went and moved mom from the cold room to the ritual hall, she was placed behind the platform that has her picture and the name plate and lots of flowers.
After the master said the prayers, the family said good byes to mom, then the friends. Another set of prayers were said then we moved her body to the cremation hall. At the moment they moved her coffin into the burner, we all said ‘Get out of your body quickly, the fire is coming’. We waited in the waiting room for an hour and a half and the screen showed it’s done. We went down, I got the 捨立子 and the closest family picked the leg bones and put them in the urn, then the helper from the funeral home put the rest in and sealed it.
We all piled back into the van and went to the ashes tower temple. The drive took about 40 minutes, we went through another set of rituals and moved her urn into the storage locker.
The van took us back to Taipei and dropped us off.
I kept my emotions in check and focused on the procedures and tasks at hand. I will deal with them when i get home.
When we were waiting for the cremation, Nikon told me the older cousin was upset that he didn’t see flower basket with his name on it. He didn’t express the intention to send the flower basket or to order them himself, we ordered all the flower baskets ourselves. He should have the sense to do something to show respect to mom, he didn’t but he expect others to include him in the preparation. There is very little respect I have for him left.
Nikon gave me the messages that the grandson in China said. He was upset that I kept mom’s ashes in Taiwan. He said the husband and wife should be buried together and he questioned if I care about my dad and don’t I want to pay him the visit and respect too? I said of course I care about dad too. Why don’t we move him back to Taiwan so they can be togther and i can come back here and visit both of them. I was angry. I was angry that they assume the authority to make the decision where I should keep mom’s ashes. I was angry that they accuse me of not care about dad. I was angry finally that they took dad’s ashes back to China and now I don’t get to pay him the respect when I come back to Taiwan. Nikon still hinted that we can move mom back in a couple of years when they are ready and I calm down. I don’t think so. But then, why am I so stubborn about where the ashes are kept if I don’t believe the spirit is there any more. All these arguments are for the living and what makes the living feel better, not for the dead. Oh well. this is probably part of the stuff I need to process when I get back. Maybe I’ll calm down like Nikon said and give up and let them have her ashes in a couple of years. It’s only for selfish reason I want to keep her in Taiwan.
I spent the night with Serena and her husband. They helped me keep my mind off of the emotions.