11:43pm
Griffin speaks to me in his journal. His happiness in the silence and solitude in Merton’s hermitage fascinates me. I’m reading his entries in the winter. The fire is a central theme in the notes, it’s cold up there and the fireplace seems to be his only source of warmth. A simple life with primitive living. Maybe it is easier to get close to God that way. He often writes his waiting for the dawn in the earlier morning hours. He has great happiness when he has the reserved sacrament in the chapel in that little hermitage. Symbols make it so much easier for us to sense gods presence. I guess us humans rely a lot on our senses to experience the presence of god.
Spent the day doing things I absolutely love. New audible book, the absolute power while I ply the brown yarn while Leo watched golf in the afternoon. Looked and found a shawl pattern for the blue lace yarn and started turning the skeins to balls and knitting it while listening to the book. Finally reading the hermitage journal in bed and got totally lost in it. Leo joked again and said i should find a monastery for a retreat to get this out of my system. I might. And I feel so blessed to have a loving husband who encourages me to do things that I love to do and choose to see my good sides instead of my shortcomings.
The legal stuff still plagues me in the back of my mind. But I am much more relaxed now than a day ago . These things bother me more than anything. I get anxious and I worry. Thank god that it is at least not the center part of my life or I would go crazy.
E came home around 11 and we had a few minutes of good conversation. As the kids grow older, the relationship changes and we are still trying to find the balance where we can be comfortable with each other and still be ourselves.
Griffin often complains that he stayed up too late and missed the pre dawn time when he could do his best work. I often thought along the same line and regret that I stay up too late. But night time seems to be my most active time mentally if not physically. It will take some discipline to change my body rhythm. I do like to get up early and have the whole day in front of me instead of having only a few hours of daylight and back into the night again.
I searched and found “Follow the ecstasy” by Griffin. He was supposed to write Merton’s biography but because of health reasons didn’t and wrote this book instead. I got it from amazon and can’t wait to read it next. But now, I am totally loving his own journal. He spent the year right after Merton’s death in Merton’s hermitage drinking Merton’s tea, praying in his chapel, sleeping in his cot, reading his journals, talking to the same people Merton talked to. What a privilege! But I didnt see the photos he said he took of the hermitage, the monastery, the people etc. What a disappointment.