Monthly Archives: May 2018

Today’s practice in procreate produced this quote.  I find inspirational quotes in Pinterest and then use them to practice calligraphy on the iPad in Procreate.  So far, it is the easiest app to use for calligraphy for me.  I don’t have that steady a hand, but the app makes it possible for me to create good letters.  well, good enough.

There is not much progress on the eye front.  Bubble is getting smaller, blood seems to get a little smaller, but the general size isn’t getting smaller or moving in the eye.  So the surgery may be moot but we tried.  Now it’s waiting for the bubble to go away so I can go on to the next step, getting glasses and learning to do things with my left eye that needs clear vision.

Having to keep the head down moves me to do things on the iPad more and one of the benefits is to use the apps I’ve been meaning to get better at, Procreate, GoodNotes. They are both fantastic apps.  I am using what I created in procreate in goodnotes for journaling and planning.  Bohoberry (Kara) has put up so many helpful videos showing how she uses goodnotes for digital bullet journaling.  I have learned a lot from her videos.  She is such a generous person in sharing her knowledge using these apps.  Her digital planners for sale are beautiful creations too.

So I think I should share these quotes on instagram and facebook too.  Maybe they will encourage someone in some way.

 

 

Found this phrase on Pinterest and it seems to fit my situation.  Used it to practice my calligraphy in Procreate on my iPad.  Eye and Soul seem to be the two main things on my mind these days.  The eye has prompted me to think more seriously about my life purpose, my interests, and the soul.

For a while now, dancing has been my first priority and my passion.  I love to dance, I love learning techniques and practice to make them part of my dance movements.  When life situations change, I always look forward to go back to it.  This time, it really shook my core.  I don’t know if I can go back to dancing, competitively.  The cost around ballroom dancing has always been an intimidating factor in my dance life.  No matter how much I love it, the cost has never made sense to me.  Yes, everybody needs to make a living, but ballroom world has its way to jacking up the cost every chance it has.  $150 an hour for a coaching session is still too steep for me.  I couldn’t justify charging that much for my computer skills that took me 30 years to build.  So, I felt guilty spending money on my lessons, not to mention those expensive costumes I bought.

So now, dancing seems to be the first one that may go out the door for me.  I feel sad and unfinished.  I have worked on the open routines for almost 2 years and now I will not even be able to go out to perform them.  And I haven’t found another sport or exercise that would captivate my attention and motivation persistently.

Since it is my right eye, it’s the one I use to take pictures too.  That is the second hobby that I have to adjust.  Maybe I can train my left eye to take over.  It will not be natural and it will take time to adjust.  And almost everything I do I need both of my eyes.  It now seems such a luxury to me to have that unhindered vision to look at things.

So it’s time to give up most of the things I once called hobbies, or learn to do them without perfect vision.  It’s very frustrating, but I know I will get used to it and learn to function.  I have told myself that I will not ask why and I will deal with it the best I can.  But it is not easy….

 

Can’t say that I am fully accepting this condition.  There is still hope that the bas bubble will help getting the clot away from the center so I can see straight and be able to function more like normal even with a blind spot.  But that spot has not moved since it happened and the surgery hasn’t done much to change it.

Dealing with the post op requirements is the hardest.  Especially when I lay down to sleep.  I’m required to sleep on the left side but I am not a side sleeper.  The ear will hurt and wake me up.  I am trying as many options as I can to accommodate it.  Currently, a travel pillow is the only one I can move around so the ear is not resting on anything.  But it’s so low I ended up with a sore shoulder and arm when I woke up.

With all that, I am still grateful that it’s only affecting a small portion of my eye and all things considered, I am lucky to be able to walk, move, hear, taste, feel, talk….  I am not saying this is a small thing, cause it does affect me in a big way.  But I am thankful that most of me is still intact.  And this saying, is jumping out at me.  Yes, I have a lot of conflicts in me still.  And to ask to heal means that I have to settle the conflicts and move on.  Don’t be lazy.  Work on yourself so you can move on.

We went to our favorite Chinese restaurant in town for lunch. And ordered our favorite dishes, 水煮魚, 鄉村小炒羊.  They are big dishes and more than we can eat of course.  I went next door to the grocery store and bought Tofu, cabbage and dried tofu to add to them and had it for dinner.  Delicious.

So on May 8th, I had a macro aneurism in my right eye.  Life changed from that day.  Saw an eye doctor that day, he immediately referred me to a retina specialist.  The only one that was available was a visiting doctor who based in Cleveland.  He recommended a surgery to insert a bubble to try to move the blood clot away from the center of my vision, but only 50/50 chance of success.  We took the advice.  A week later on May 17, I got the surgery.  Today, May 18, the 3rd doctor did my post op follow up.  The patch is off.  Vision is blurry.  I have to keep my head down 24/7, or 45 min of an hour and sleep on my left side.  Elim is a sweet heart and ordered a massage chair for me that I can sit face down with support.  Eny called every day.  I think besides the blurry vision that makes my right eye wanders away when I look straight, would be the requirement to keep my chin to the chest and to sleep on my left side.  I’m a back sleeper.  My body aches if I sleep on my side and my ear hurts.

Leo is my champ and constant support.  I can’t drive now and he needs to walk Benny 3 times a day plus the final pee at night, and he needs to put drops in my eye for me, I can’t see enough to do it myself.  it’s a lot of pressure for him but he stays strong and supportive for me.  I’m very lucky to have him in my life.  He has always been the support for me.

Future is unknown.  Dancing, photography are both up in the air right now.  I am such an impatient person, but for this one, I have to wait and see and it may take up to 2 months to even know the result.  In the mean time, I am staying upbeat and learning to deal with it.  It happened and the only thing I can do is to do what I need to do and learn to deal with the consequences.  Lots of adjustments to life, my perceived hobbies, and how I function as a person.  Boy, the universe is giving me a very tough challenge.  Never imagine I would have to face some kind of impairment.  This is a big one!

It’s the day after my eye surgery.  We are visiting the 4th doctor’s office in a week.  As usual, waiting time is much longer than the few minutes the doctor spared for us.  And as usual, the staff proved to be more helpful than the doctor offering advices and answers.  On the way back, we stopped at our favorite Indian restaurant, Saffran Patch in the Valleys and had a wonderful lunch.  I love their buffet, every time there is new dishes to try and they all taste great.  I didn’t like Indian food until Leo took me to this restaurant and now I love it.

Eye patch is off, waiting time starts.  Head down, eye drop 4 times a day, can’t lift, can’t drive…..   Blurry ….