Monthly Archives: June 2018

Was having a bit of trouble writing this one.  Probably because I was tired with a bit of a shaky hand or my mind was not in the space.  But still it’s good that I did it.  It’s the grind.  And it’s the only way to improve anything.  Even though you don’t feel like doing it, just do it is the key.

We went to Olive Garden for lunch after picking up my new glasses.  The glasses were a bit of a disappointment.  The receding part of the progressive lens is only good in one part close to the nose.  I have to tilt my head.  The lady said to wear it for a few days and they will call to see how it goes.  I know already that it is not going to improve by wearing it.  They are just hoping that I’ll learn to adjust to it and tilt my head when I need to read.

Our server at Olive Garden wasn’t very attentive.  She was pleasant enough.  But she never brought us water.  She didn’t notice we were out of salad.  I saw one table that arrived after us got the bread and salad before we got our bread.  The other table that came before us and their server asked them if they wanted more salad.  I had to ask for mine when she passes us the second time.  I don’t think we are very critical of our waiting staff.  Just basic needs.  I didn’t ask for water thinking I have tea in the car.  But I shouldn’t have to compensate for the lack of attentiveness.

But we still can’t complain.  We went out to eat, and we didn’t worry about cooking or how much we spent.  We are blessed.

Dream big and live large.  Do as much as we are here to do.  Do not leave feeling sorry.

How genuine can we be?  How true can we be?  Can we really be ourselves in every situation?  It requires letting go of an identity we assumed that demands certain attention and love.  Sometimes, we sacrifice who we really are in order to obtain that acknowledgment or respect we need to be a certain person.  So only when we have enough self respect and confidence can we start to be ok with ourselves even if we do not meet certain expectations of others.

Rather like this one.  The butterfly’s landing on the flash of light.  Didn’t plan it that way when I created it.  It just happened.  So is creativity from us or in us or at us?  Can we claim it is our own?  I don’t think so.

Ideal is “idea” “l”anding on us, illuminating us of what perfection can be.

It’s easy to say but hard to do.  It has to do with our self confidence and how much we want to please others or being praised than criticized.  My personal struggle all my life.  I was a timid kid and father was a dominant figure and had little patience when he was younger with a volcano like temper that erupted without warning.  So I grew up learning to try to please him and other authorative figures.  But my rebellious personality always found a way to escape his “rules”.  however, escape is not building the correct character.  Now, I need to do the right thing the right way.  Learn to build that belief in myself, that ever elusive self confidence, letting go of judgements and criticisms either from within or without.  Life is filled with learning and improvements.  I am never finished.

Devote yourself to your passion, your belief, your loved ones. Devote to prayers, journaling, practices. Do those things with a sincere, loving spirit and offer it to your higher self.

We went to Wild Goats for lunch today. Boy we loved our orders. Leo had the usual Avocado Chicken sandwich and I had the California sandwich. The difference is mine doesn’t have the chicken and the bacon. Just alfalfa, avocado, tomatoes and on a grilled bread. His is on a chiabatta bread.  They are both delicious.  And their waiting staff are all very nice and cheerful.  You can see our waiter took time to chat with his customer instead of rushing away.  A good place to go.

Can we live a life of contemplation?  Can we contemplate when we are laughing or does it require total silence?  Either way, will we make time to contemplate every day or do we just go through life as it happens without a thought?

Lunch at O’Charlie’s after we picked up my prescription sun glasses.  Salmon was amazingly good Cooked just right.

I was thinking about devotion for the Chinese words.  But the translation came out with reverent.  It is ok, I guess.

Benny is walking a bit better.  The second pain med has killed his appetite I think and make him groggy.  I have to bribe him with some leftover steak bits.  Knitting a flat piece with handles to see if I can help lift his weight a bit to ease on his legs.  He is a senior dog and he is getting the senior treatment now.  As long as he feels semi normal I guess that’s all we can ask for.

A day of stress yesterday.  Benny went to the vet late afternoon.  He was limping very badly and I was stressed out thinking the worst.  We didn’t want him to go through any more surgery at his age so any new injury immediately took me to the darkest thought.

However the vet informed us it is common among older dogs and gave him one more pain med to see how he copes with it for a couple of weeks.

I am grateful for having him around still.  Although it still hurts to see him limping around having difficulty walking.  He does seem to adapt to the pain better today.  Always be grateful.

When we tell ourselves to be ourselves, create our own destiny, detach, be in the now, we are getting ourselves to be prepared for what life brings to us.

Benny hurt his back right leg yesterday and has been limping badly since.  Every time he has a physical ailment now, it scares me and takes me to a dark place.  He is almost 15, he has all kinds of aches and pains and joint problem, breathing problem…  But he has pulled through them, although a little worse every time.

When you have pets, this is the time you dread to face.  And therefore, I have long decided he and Tido are the last two pets I’ll have.  I can’t and don’t want to go through these emotional rollercoaster any more.  The joy they bring never outweighs the sorrow in the end.