Author Archives: Christine

Just got Margaret Stove’s Spinning Lace video. After watching a bit of it, I realized that I have naturally developed my spinning technique just the same way she spins her lace yarn. Since lace yarn is what I aim to spin from the beginning, I am very happy that all on my own, I found the same way to spin a fine yarn. Of course, I still learned a few tricks from her on how to join fiber in and others, I am after all still a relatively new spinner. But I am quite happy that I found the right way to spin the lace yarn.

Watching her video has given me a desire to start from the very beginning and prepare the fleece to spin. I have been thinking that I don’t want to deal with the dirty fleece and doing the washing and carding myself. But the way she showed how she washes her fleece makes it seem so simple. I might just give it a try.

I am listening to Tessa Bielecki’s Wild at Heart. While spinning last night and listening to her book from Audible, the two activities seem to suit each other very nicely. The act of spinning can quiet the mind down and keep it in a rhythmic state that makes it easy to enter the contemplative prayer. So does knitting. I wonder if the contemplative nuns ever used this method for their prayer. Since I reread Henri Nouwen’s Genessee Diary, I am again drawn to the monastery life and reading about it. I don’t think I am ever going to adjust to the barren atmosphere in a monastery, I am too addicted to the constant stimulation of the technologies, but I am drawn to the contemplative practice and prayer nevertheless.

Bielecki has touched on an old question I had about christianity. She was telling stories about the saints, not the pious side of their lives but the human side. She talked about how some of them like certain food. She also talked about singing and dancing. I love to dance. It gives me great joy when I move my body to a favorite song. However, the stoic teaching of my early christian years, gave me doubts about the approprietness of dancing and for that matter drinking and any other kind of activities that give pleasure to our mind and body. I never was able to resolve that question. I gave up. But now after listening to her book, I wonder if I was too strict and narrow minded in my understanding of a christian life. The bible never said it’s bad to drink or dance, actually there are plenty of times when these things were mentioned. Jesus even turned water to wine at a wedding. All things are good in modesty. It’s the excessiveness that is the problem. What a revelation and a relief.

When E moved back in, she brought her pottery Barn desk and the only place for it is in my office if I get rid of some old furniture and make some room. After some sweat, it is finally setup. For now, it’s mine to use. I love it. Probably the best desk I ever had in my life. NO more metal file cabinet and make do dining table for a desk. So nice.

Finally, I am able to capture old VHS tape videos into the old HP media PC. The EASYCAP was a waste of time. No matter what I tried, the video either wouldn’t show or the quality is very poor. I even purchased the Corel Video Studio Pro X3 hoping that it would help and it didn’t. The new HP I bought with the 25″ monitor already has a dead hard drive in a year and after a new hard drive with the easycap, it still cannot record the video from the VHS player.

It finally dawned on me that the old HP media PC is just sitting there and it has the TV tuner composite video input. All I need to do is to plug straight to the back of the pc and no intermediate capture device needed. I first tried to download the AVS Video recorder software to record, the video won’t show in the recording even though I can see it on the screen. So I installed the Corel Video Studio and voila! It worked!!! And the video quality is decent, better than any of the old ones I did. I am very happy. It has been a long time since I have a setup to record the old tapes between trips and dead hard drives. Now I’m ready again. Yea!!!

It’s almost comical, when I was browsing on Amazon for Henri Nouwen’s Genesee Diary, I discovered that I already purchased the Spiritual Journals in 2003.  How little my mind remembers, it’s scary.  I went into the library and actually found the book to my amazement.  I was ready to accept the fact that I lost the book from the move.  And promptly, I started reading it.  I remembered how fond I was of the Genesee Diary when I read it a long time ago.  I got the same feeling when I read it today.  He stirred something inside of the same chord.  Can’t point my fingers to it, but his struggles in the monastery spiritually and mentally in the first month are the same struggles I have experienced in my life.  

Human insecurity that leads to anger, frustrations and sadness.  The disproportion of the anger and the actual events shows a deeper imbalance in my own psyche than the acts I observe in others.  The need for a full, unconditional love and the faults I find in others of the smallest transgression actually reflects my own immaturity and shallowness.  When will I be able to “grow up”.  The multitude of attachment for things and people only creates emptiness and disappointments.  

I am grateful for his words and thoughts.  HIs reminding me of my own lacking and imperfection.  His humbleness in disclosing his own weakness.  My gain in realizing mine.

A revelation. Prayer is God speaks in me not me talking to Her. By the attention paid and time spent in prayer, we allow God to make herself known to our consciousness and for her to bring our attention to the sufferings in the world. We petition to God for mercy for the injustice and the prejudice done to our fellow human beings, not knowing it’s god who brought our attention to these matters so we can have compassion and empathy for those who are suffering.  Gods mercy is abound and she does not need me to remind her to be merciful. It is me who she tries to open the minds eyes not to dwell on our own trivial moods and needs to pay attention to others around us and in the world. To connect to the body that is god in our prayer. The body that is made of all those who has god in their center and practice the presence.

Henri opened my eyes in his diary. From his struggle, I learned about myself. And through him, god continues to talk to those that read his book.  He has made himself a vessel tho he thought he was only fighting his own spiritual battle, he is revealing god to his readers long after his physical body passed on.

Time flies, another year is here.  No new year’s resolution as usual, they are meant to be broken anyway.  But it doesn’t hurt to try starting something new.  By chance, I stumbled on the divine office app for ipad and it reminded me of the enthusiasm for religious practice I had years ago.  Now, it’s so much easier, they put the text right in front of you with audio.  You can do the prayers in private and feel just like you are worshiping with others in the church.  I have the 4 volume breviary and actually went to Grismer’s and got the 2011 guide.  But I don’t need it any more.  Also downloaded Biblereader.  It not only has different bibles but also commentaries and concordance for purchase.  No more big volumes to haul around or flip through, a click and it’s there.  Technology does make a big difference in our lives nowadays.  Everything is easier.  Well, almost everything.

Started to get out a bit.  The cold I caught on the Palo Alto trip has finnaly lifted.  It has held me hostage for a few weeks.  When I went out a couple of days ago by myself, it felt odd but good.  I can see how people get used to staying at home and become self-imprisoned somehow.  It’s a lot healthier to get out though.  At least, that’s how I feel.  Now, how about the religious people who stay in the monasteries all the time.  What kind of mental process do they get into when they are physically confined.  It’s hard to know.  I know the prisons make the criminals crazy and it’s a punishment to be closed out of the society.  Solitude.  Is it serenity or is it punishment? 

Got some spinning DVDs and noticed that my spinning is much better and I have a better understanding of how it’s done.  So much knowledge involved in every skill.  Waiting to get more Neatby’s DVDs.  They are full of information too, providing better understanding of the stitches too.  I like them.  But they are expensive and kind of hard to get.  Either on her website or you need to look for US distributors. 

Spinning, knitting, praying, Zuma practice, dancing.  Life is full of fun nowadays. 

Talking more to Ey lately.  He suggested that we talk once a week.  I am so pleasantly surprised.  Love to be closer to the kids and be part of their lives still even though just hearing about their lives is a good thing.

Went to CA with Em for her interviews.  It turned out to be more of an ordeal for me than expected.  The driving was too hectic for me.  I had to immediately get into a ready for battle mentality as soon as I entered the highway.  The old ohio lay back driving style will never work there.  And it’s almost to a science for merging in and changing lanes.  I compare the two kinds of driving and termed the CA driving to be the professional kind and the OH driving, the amature kind.  I don’t want to be in that state all the time when I’m driving.  So it was too stressful for me.  Maybe if I live there, I would get used to it.  But for occasional visits, it’s too much for me.

E’s itnerviews all went well.  Some even asked her what would it take to get her to work there.  She is an outstanding student and she should not have any problem finding a well suited residency program. 

Came back with a developing cold though and spent the first couple of days in bed.  And still have the nagging cough now.  Xmas is approaching fast.  Got to get the gifts wrapped and placed under the tree.  Got to think about what to make for Xmas dinner. 

The Gaggia Baby Twin is a nice machine.  Easy to use and produces quite good cups of espresso and my mochachino.  I’m happy for the purchase and L now has an extra task to roast espresso beans in addition to the regular coffee.  But he has got a system goig already, much better than I ever did. 

Never been a card giver.  Still get lots of cards from our friends, wonder how long they will last if i don’t send one back.  It’s a task for the well organized people, not me.  Too much planning and work for a little card.  But I have to say, gift wrapping can give a small gift a more meaningful feeling.  I may need to look into that.  A careless wrapping makes a well thought out gift look hastely put together. 

Ok, just random thoughts.  I know I can do better than this and write more often.

This has been a long project so far.  It went smoothly and quickly in the beginning.  The cables look good and knitting in the round makes the progress fast.  But I have the darnest time trying to make it in the right ratio and fit.  First I got too confident and cut the steek before I realized that it is way too long in the body and the sleeves.  So I had to tear it out and reknit the body and the sleeves. 

Since it was already cut, I had to knit back and forth on the body.  It’s a great way to practice knitting backwards with my left hand but the tension isn’t as stable and the cables don’t look as uniform as before. 

I spent the whole day knitting the saddle shoulder, the collar band and it was finished late night.  A trial wear revealed that the shoulder turn were too square and the back of the neck too low.  So I tore everything back out to before the saddle shoulder decrease again.

The yarn is beautiful and expensive.  At least I know that I will have enough yarn for the project.  And hopefully it will turn out wearable for Leo.  But I am having the darnest time making a sweater fit the body still.  That’s frustrating.

I got a crystal bracelet in Sedona.  It’s called muscovite.  The description: Mystical sonte with angelic presence.  Self-confidence  optimism.  Intuition.  Helps in dealing with major life changes.  Aids in transformation where needed.  Helps problem solving & selr-reflection.  Don’t know why I chose this one.  There were so many. 

I wish I had more time to browse and ponder over.  Sedona is a mystical place.  If only I had more time to join one of the spiritual tours with meditations.  Mom’s passing stirred up my quest for the spiritual things again.  Maybe it’s a natural happening.

It took us 3 weeks to drive to palo alto and back.  Not all of it was driving though.  We spent a few days in Las Vegus, a few in Sedona, a few in Phoenix, one in Taos and Elko, St Louis.  I almost feel as comfortable on the road as I am at home after so many months of traveling and staying at the hotels.  But it’s still good to come home and stay for a while.

Mom still pops into my head often.  Although I haven’t been diligent in saying the prayers for her, my heart is still aching for her and think of her often.  Today, I organized the pictures on my Acer and looked at the funeral pictures which brought some sadness on.  Don’t know how long will it take for me to process the emotions.  I’m cerntainly avoiding it and taking my time. 

The house is kind of messy.  I’ve already spent a couple of days trying to put some order into the chaos.  Some is in better shape, the pantry tho is still on the waiting list.  Leo’s sister has inspired me to be more organized and to pair things down.  But it seems that I am only organizing and not discarding much yet.  It’s another form of letting go.   Stuff creates garbabe in the psyche.  Let go of them to create a beginnig for lighter more spiritual space.  But it’s hard.