[pin wppost] Christine 
While browsing on youtube, I discovered zentangle. After watching quite a few people doing the doodling, I feel motivated to give it a try myself. The first time took over an hour and I doodled several pages in my journal. I found that although I can’t draw, I can certainly doodle. Not good, but it actually centers me and keeps me focused. Don’t know what it is about doodling that interests me so much. There is a sense of guilty pleasure knowing that I am not productive and yet I enjoy the process.
Yesterday, I bought a sketch book from Hobby Lobby so I can do my doodling in it. And this is the first page. Think if I can keep an intention for each of the dooling page, it serves some kind of purpose. And it’s fitting to start the journal with the intention of ‘love’.
10pm
Up late at 9ish. E sent a text asking for mas cafe. Turned out that she was feverish all night and she still had so e when I touched her forehead. She came up and had some breakfast and more meds before she went down to rest some more. I de died to make some chicken broth for her and chicken paprika for Leo and me doe dinner.
Went to my lesson with Tim and we worked on some moves for the routine for the April showcase. It was fun doing that. However was a bit off today. Slow to get the move and not very steady on my feet. Once I almost fell after some turns. Nevertheless, we had a few moves to tape for the next time.
Came home and started cooking. The whole chicken and the packages of thighs were still frozen. Had to use the microwave to help thawing them faster. But I finally managed to put them on the stove. The whole chicken in the big pot with the insert with thyme, Ginger root slices, 枸杞. I let it simmer while I brown the thighs with paprika and then soften the onions. Lastly, they went into another big pot with water to simmer till tender. I also put cayenne pepper, soy sauce and some hot bean paste and garlic too. Thru both turned out ok. Eliminate had some broth with chicken and Leo and I had chicken paprika over rice. Brandon came after work and had a plate of it too. Eliminate was able to talk with us during dinner but faded fast afterwards and went downstairs agog with more meds in her hands. These colds can last longer than we hope for.
There was a short time of sleepiness after dinner, it was hard to keep my eyes open when I tried to finish the last few pages of the genesee diary. But the sleepiness lifted after a while and I was able to do the evening prayer with the divine office app. What a blessing it is to have found the audio app. Not only it organizes the text for you, they sing and read it too. I was however still not able to be totally immersed in it to catch the meaning of the text. Or they are too familiar to me and lost it’s meaning long time ago. My heart didn’t have the echo I wish it does to the words. But even in this less than perfect prayer, I hope that the intention is rewarded than the result. I have a long way to go to walk the spiritual path of those before me and ahead of me.
Brandon mentioned Xoom again. It does seem like a good piece of hardware but I find it hard to replace those apps that I have grown used to. Maybe I can try the android phone but keep my beloved apps in the iPad.
11:30am
Came into work since I missed work yesterday. Stayed up later than I wanted to watching Human Target DVD and last night’s new episode. It is true that it feels like watching a movie production with this one like they indicated in the producer’s notes. Read more in “follow the Ecstasy”. I think Griffin is better at writing his own journal than doing the biography. Or maybe it’s because he never did finish the book, it was still in draft when he died. The method he used to do the biography is to present Merton mostly in his own words from the notes and journals. Since there are so many Merton’s journals out, it makes the reader want to go to the original for a closer read. Or maybe that’s Griffin’s intention anyway. I will read merton’s journals after this one.
One side effect of reading the journals is the motivation to prompt me to write more. Not for an audience, but for myself to keep a kind of a day to day record. It’s easier when I am reading something and that always triggers my desire to write down my thoughts. But other days, when I’m off and away from a writing device doing other things like spinning or knitting or dancing, it would a challenge to remember everything that I want to jot down.
Typing on anything other than a real keyboard also presents a problem. Thoughts flows more easily when I can type as they come. When I slow down to type on the iPad or phone, those fleeting ones just went ahead and left me. I think journal writing is the best form of writing. You don’t have to write when there is no inspiration. It’s not like a novelist who has to come up with something to write about.
9:10pm
Just watched a recorded operah show about the military families. Tears just fell when I listened to their stories, husband wounded now has problem talking and walk, old mom driving five or six hours to her son’s grave to read his childhood story. Yes, operah was right that we have pushed those thoughts about the soldiers and their families to the back of our mind and we, or I have not done anything for them. Not even keeping them in our consciousness on a daily basis. It’s a crime. It’s something that I should keep and hold in my thoughts and prayers.
Came home from work and felt tired. E is sick and has a fever and coughs. But she still came up and had dinner with us. And we had a nice dinner together. After having the leftovers which was still delicious, i had a hard time keeping my eyes open trying to start Mertons’s fifth volume “dancing in the waters of life”. Finally gave up and came into the bedroom, brushed my teeth and washed my face thinking I would take a short nap. But it actually woke me up and i watched a couple of episodes of operah.
It reminds me of Merton’s position against the war and discrimination. A lone voice at the time but he held the conscience for the time.
2pm
Woke up late at 9:30 and saw the flying snow and learned of the possible icy roads. Shot an email to Peter and told him i would not go into work today. He said it is a good plan. But I imagine him already at the office working away. He is such a workaholic nothing or rarely anything will prevent him from going to work. A purist at heart too. Everything should be perfect or in the highest standard for him.
Leo turned on the classical music on Pandora in the living room and roasted coffee. I started on Griffin’s biography for Merton “Follow the Ecstasy” the kindle version. I am already engrossed by it. Griffin has such an easy way of writing like he is telling a story and you are right there listening to his accounts of the most mundane details and yet for some reason you find it fascinating and unable to part from it. And yet at the same time, you need to put it down and sink into a kind of meditation on no specific subject but you need that time to absorb what you read. I love his writing. It’s too bad that he didn’t finish the whole biography, it would be such a wonderful treat to see Merton’s whole life through his eyes.
Made a mug of the barley tea and munched on the two day old popcorn for lunch. Its slowly giving me a stomachache. Outside the picture window, snow is flying horizontally. Connie called and we laughed at my comment on a trip about the snow on the high way falling horizontally. And Tim’s making fun of me even in later conversations for being so ignorant about the physics of car moving forward making the snow seems to fall horizontally. We talked for about an hour over nothing particular just two friends playing catch up. Glad that I have been able to maintain that for two good girl friends two days in a roll. But they both initiated the phone calls, I should do better on that front. I wonder however if there exists a friendship in the wold that resembles the one between Griffin and Merton. There is no expectations for future correspondence only the enjoyment of the present moment shared together in enjoyment. No demands only the understanding of the need for solitude. And every unexpected meeting brings mutual enjoyment and happiness. I feel guilty if I haven’t tried to contact my friends thinking it is a neglect of a basic decency. Relationship requires time. But then are they that fragile and cannot stand up to time if they are regarded by both participants as deeply rooted?
Had a hard time waking up today. Got so interested in the audio book “the Absolute Power” and stayed up too late. Was knitting the blue shawl while listening to the book, but after 3 repeats of the pattern I discovered that I didnt pul the even rows. The design still showed and I didn’t dislike it. The purl rows actually prevented the edge from curling. But I still decided to rip it all off and started again. The second try yielded a much smoother front but I learned that if I dont mind the rough surface I can actually use this trick to produce a two sided shawl with any pattern except the cables of course. But you don’t knit cables in a shawl right?
The university is closed due to bad weather forecast but Peter is in and the tv and camera were in. So I went to work. We brought both to my office. But upon opening the tv box, we discovered a used unit with a missing keyboard. Peter was quite incensed by it and called Amazon to complain. They offered a refund and a UPS pickup. We will have to go to bestbuy to find one now. The netcam need a PoE that I didn’t order. So it was a disappointment all in all. Peter may take me to bestbuy to get the tv if he can finish other more pressing stuff. Hope the weather doesn’t get too bad tho.
Asked Brandon about the Nexus S phone. He said you could only get that at Bestbuy and it’s not sold in the retail store. But he recommended a new phone that’s coming in Feb called Thunderbolt. I’ll have to check that out. He also recommended the hotspot Verizon sold that uses 4G. And Xoom for a tablet. I have to check all of them out.
Still obsessed with the Gathsamani Abbey. Found some pictures on Google and saved them for desktop. Such an austere life with such rich interior potentials.
4pm home
Storm is threatening to come but hasn’t arrived in full force yet. Came home early just in case. Shoveled the drive way since it was not touched by the plowers last night. Leo brewed a cup of tea for me as I came in to warm me up. It is such a joy to read the “Hermitage Journal”. Some thought came to me that I wanted to jot down but by the time I got the iPad and came back to the couch, it escaped. Wonder how others catch their fleeting thoughts in case like this. Pen and paper is even more inconvenient. I guess I should be more prepared and just have the iPad with me at all times.
Found the android app site, but it’s on my laptop so I can’t put it here. Hmm, really need a way to have these info at the finger tips when I write.
4:40
Asked Leo to put Mozart on. The music fits the wintery scene so well. Feels pristine, cheerful and quiet. E went to exercise. She is such a fanatic now about fitness. I wish I am a tenth of that if possible.
6:00pm
Reading the Hermitage Jounal on July, 9, 1970 where John talked about reading Julien Green’s Journal who couldnt bear great music, it made them feel too much. This is my exact complaint about classical music. My emotions just get messed up by it. But he said, “You needed not to feel this deeply.”. I wonder if I would ever get passed this. I like the quiet ones played in piano which puts me in a dreamy state and yet soft enough to still follow my reading or reflections. The piece of Mozart thats playing one is exactly the kind I love.
It’s the part that John just got almost electrocuted. He has periods of memory lapses. It parallels Merton’s death. So strange. The biographer who spent his days in the biographee’s hermitage experiencing the same physical environments and views and people as the dead, then he got shocked by the lightening that shared almost the same experience the dead went through. How odd.
With my fascination of the monasteries and a retreat in one, I also realize that I am living in a lovely home that provides almost the same view in my living room as the one John talked about with all the modern conveniences around me, a gas fireplace, a stereo that
is playing Mozart, warm, dinners cooking on the modern stove instead of hot plates that were used to heat water up for dishes. How lucky I am and a profound happiness too.
9:20pm
After a very delicious dinner of blackened salmon and brown rice. Right before dinner, jun-Ming Wang called to chat. Phone calls with her is always long but heart felt. She is such a person of compassion and honesty. And such a simple person. She helped me to realize again how lucky I am now with a loving husband that more than spoils me. And my life is so much easier because of him. Now he snores across from me on the couch after a full dinner with wine and his favorite Margherita. The fire warms the room and makes it very comfortable. Still reading the hermitage journal, rising and resting along with John and the little hermitage.
I wanted to offer up prayers for him after reading his entries on his physical discomfort even now. And yet he also referred to his profound felicity inside that is not disturbed by the physical ailment. The prayers from the monks must have uplifted him spiritually even though he wasn’t aware of it, I’m sure. His fondness of silence, of nature, of the sacrament showed in every entry. He knew the wordless prayer offered in silence and mental dumbness is as legit as the elaborate ornamented ones. The simple mass offered in simple ways impressed the soul more than the beautiful sounds.
1am
Finished the book. In the end, he wrote about the death of an old friend noting that he was the one of the last two left in his group of lifelong friends, thinking about his own mortality. And he mentioned it was his 53rd birthday that year. He was my age! And yet he had a much fuller life and deeper spirituality and literary and music depth, I feel so insignificant in his light. And he was in such bad health with diabetes needing to shoot insulin every day. So sad for him. So sad that he is gone. Wish he had written more but the book is full of wisdom and revelations. I have little memory of my first read. But this time it sure has left more impressions. Maybe I needed to grow a bit in order to fully appreciate his writing. And I do now.
Just got Margaret Stove’s Spinning Lace video. After watching a bit of it, I realized that I have naturally developed my spinning technique just the same way she spins her lace yarn. Since lace yarn is what I aim to spin from the beginning, I am very happy that all on my own, I found the same way to spin a fine yarn. Of course, I still learned a few tricks from her on how to join fiber in and others, I am after all still a relatively new spinner. But I am quite happy that I found the right way to spin the lace yarn.
Watching her video has given me a desire to start from the very beginning and prepare the fleece to spin. I have been thinking that I don’t want to deal with the dirty fleece and doing the washing and carding myself. But the way she showed how she washes her fleece makes it seem so simple. I might just give it a try.
I am listening to Tessa Bielecki’s Wild at Heart. While spinning last night and listening to her book from Audible, the two activities seem to suit each other very nicely. The act of spinning can quiet the mind down and keep it in a rhythmic state that makes it easy to enter the contemplative prayer. So does knitting. I wonder if the contemplative nuns ever used this method for their prayer. Since I reread Henri Nouwen’s Genessee Diary, I am again drawn to the monastery life and reading about it. I don’t think I am ever going to adjust to the barren atmosphere in a monastery, I am too addicted to the constant stimulation of the technologies, but I am drawn to the contemplative practice and prayer nevertheless.
Bielecki has touched on an old question I had about christianity. She was telling stories about the saints, not the pious side of their lives but the human side. She talked about how some of them like certain food. She also talked about singing and dancing. I love to dance. It gives me great joy when I move my body to a favorite song. However, the stoic teaching of my early christian years, gave me doubts about the approprietness of dancing and for that matter drinking and any other kind of activities that give pleasure to our mind and body. I never was able to resolve that question. I gave up. But now after listening to her book, I wonder if I was too strict and narrow minded in my understanding of a christian life. The bible never said it’s bad to drink or dance, actually there are plenty of times when these things were mentioned. Jesus even turned water to wine at a wedding. All things are good in modesty. It’s the excessiveness that is the problem. What a revelation and a relief.
When E moved back in, she brought her pottery Barn desk and the only place for it is in my office if I get rid of some old furniture and make some room. After some sweat, it is finally setup. For now, it’s mine to use. I love it. Probably the best desk I ever had in my life. NO more metal file cabinet and make do dining table for a desk. So nice.
Finally, I am able to capture old VHS tape videos into the old HP media PC. The EASYCAP was a waste of time. No matter what I tried, the video either wouldn’t show or the quality is very poor. I even purchased the Corel Video Studio Pro X3 hoping that it would help and it didn’t. The new HP I bought with the 25″ monitor already has a dead hard drive in a year and after a new hard drive with the easycap, it still cannot record the video from the VHS player.
It finally dawned on me that the old HP media PC is just sitting there and it has the TV tuner composite video input. All I need to do is to plug straight to the back of the pc and no intermediate capture device needed. I first tried to download the AVS Video recorder software to record, the video won’t show in the recording even though I can see it on the screen. So I installed the Corel Video Studio and voila! It worked!!! And the video quality is decent, better than any of the old ones I did. I am very happy. It has been a long time since I have a setup to record the old tapes between trips and dead hard drives. Now I’m ready again. Yea!!!